Hi ashamed to be afraid. Sorry for your losses and suffering in your life. It sounds like you are still grieving. Have you considered a therapist? Being afraid of failure is natural especially after 30 years of working. You have lost part of what you considered your identity. Keeping a notebook of what you want to do during the time life you have in left may point you in new directions.

For me the challenge is to find things that I can do every day that keep me in balance. For me that is yoga, mindfulness, exercise, and positive activities that give me a reason to push through the stress of work and the world.

You can do volunteer work and that can lead you into a new opportunity and serve as a reference point in a resume.

Maybe there is a pattern of the type of company or the type of job that you find stressful. These jobs could be a road sign saying STRESS AHEAD - do not proceed seek an alternate route.

There are lots of compassionate people here that can make the load lighter by sharing and caring. Feel free to participate actively at Psych Central.
http://forums.psychcentral.com

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.