I am reading this through tears. Your grief and pain are palpable and I wish I could reach through this screen to hug you until you feel better. I also wish I had some words of wisdom, but I don't.....all I can say is I will keep you in my prayers. I have a husband who is battling stage IV pancreatic cancer and this hits very close to home because I can't even imagine wanting to exist a single day after he's gone. I am so sorry.