He's 9 years older and is manipulating you. Why would you even give up your "previous life" without a commitment from him. So you get to live in his big house, unhappily it sounds, you get to work 40 hours a week and I assume help pay for his lifestyle, all the while missing your horses and him too. Hmpf...doesn't sound right to me. But then again, I'm pretty old fashioned. Google Mark Gungor and view some of his videos. Even though you're not married to this man yet, seem to me there is much to work out before you even consider that.