You are allowing other people to tell you what to do, it is not up to them THEY were not the victim of abuse YOU were.

Your older brother never appologized to you and admitted he was WRONG to abuse you either. Your mother has no right to tell you to "just get over it" either, instead she needs to stand with you and call him out on how he abused you and that it was wrong. Your brother continues to dodge taking responsiblity for his actions so it's up to you to stand up and make the choice to not have him be a part of your life. He abused you, he doesn't deserve to be treated "special" at all. You have to stop handing him "the control" too, that is what you are doing and that is the "lie" you don't want to live with any more.

If an abuser doesn't take responsibility for their actions they only continue to look for ways to put their victims down so they can convince themselves their victims deserved to be disrespected and abused. Amazingly, often they find ways to get others to defend them too and "blame the victim".

So, you need to stand up and set your own boundaries and decide to not allow toxic individuals into your life.