I can relate.
**Some words in this may be triggering**
I found out that my T experienced a close loss in her family by suicide some years ago. It wasn't self disclosed - a friend of mine went to school with her and knew about it. When she told me, I felt horrible. I felt like I couldn't talk about the many losses I had connected to suicide. I felt bad when I said out of anger or frustration, "I want to kill myself". I wanted to protect my T at all costs from re-experiencing the loss of her loved one. I still don't think she knows, that I know about her loss. In a way, I really need to address it, because it's interfering with therapy. But, I don't want to open that wound.... Sigh.