I am using this site at this moment, like I have in the past as a record of my healing. I hope something here helps someone else who may be in a similar situation.

I live with a verbally abusive man and have for 21 years. I no longer have the words to express how I feel. I know deep down how I feel but I cannot seem to express them. After finding this book, my feeling have words supplied by someone else. It gives me hope because now I can say the words, I can hear the words I say, and I can write them and see the words I feel. That gives me hope. Hope that I can be heard and that what I feel is real.

I hope none of you out there are having to go threw what I am going threw, but I fear there are others like me. I hope this helps you some how to.

"I feel lonely with him. I am filled with dread when I think of him."

"It is hard to accept that I am the kind of person who has allowed this to continue. What is it about me?"

"I have married a man I have grown to hate and I am afraid to leave"

"I am walking on egg shells & sweeping hurts under the rug. I am only relaxed when he is not here. That is when the tension lifts like a fog."

"I was confused because I thought if I could detach from him I could still be with him. This seems to intensify his anger."

"It is a fact that I am so exhausted from the stress & strain of this relationship that I can hardly think. I don't have the energy to leave & to fight the fight I know would be ahead."

"I feel frustrated, helpless, defenseless, angry, frightened, crazy, indecisive, and frozen."

"I now realize how well conditioned I am to his voice. When he calls my name I involuntarily shudder. Most of the time if is for good reasons that he calls me, but the memory of the bad ones is so strongly embedded that I shudder at his voice."

"My motto is "Peace at any Price", I have lost so much of my identity."

"I could not imagine anything I could say is acceptable or understandable. Something is wrong with every sentence from my mouth. I spend hours trying to figure out how to say things right, and yet it is never right."

"I nee to be validated. I feel ashamed and angry that he controlled and fooled me. He never apologizes and he never thinks he is wrong."