I know a few others are going through really tough times right now here on PC, but I wanted to share how I'm doing because things are not good with me at all.

My meds are not working. I'm feel very confused and mixed up in my thoughts and general cognition. I am probably in some sort of mixed state (though it's hard for me to tell) because I will be down and depressed for half the day, then extremely agitated the other half. I am feeling triggered by just about everything. Going in public is getting more and more difficult. I told my partner I feel like I'm drowning, and that I feel like I'm screaming at the top of my lungs but no one can hear me. I feel pathetic and desperate. I really need help but I am between doctors right now. I am definitely feeling suicidal...getting to such extremes that it seems the only logical option. I have no plan though. I just want someone to help me and take me out of my misery, but then I remember, oh yeah, this is for life. The image of being trapped underwater keeps coming to mind. I am thinking I will probably have to take myself back to the crisis center, and they may or may not put me in the hospital. If I were completely honest with them I bet they would. Another part of this is that I am completely overwhelmed by events in my life that I have created myself. I am feeling very urgently that I need to escape my life, but I can't.

I am pretty sure I'm having a mixed episode. One minute I am fine, then I'm wildly dancing around my house, then later in the day I'm exploding in a fit of rage at my partner and threatening to kill myself. Other people who've had them can you confirm? Right now I'm calmly sitting at the computer but I can feel a storm surging and swirling around in my head. My head just feels VERY confused and mixed up. I don't know how else to put it.

If anyone has any analysis they want to put in I'd really appreciate it. I really need some outside perspective.

Thanks