Its crazy how I felt like taking my own life yesterday..and today I feel lonely. I wish there was a medicine out there that would let me enjoy being alive. That would stop the rapid thoughts..the worry..the depression..I just cannot enjoy anything. U know what makes me temporarily happy..vicodin..have not taken since last years surgery..but it gives me lots of energy and almost euphoric..and weed..weed calms me down..it makes living bearable..and neither vicodin nor weed give me any side effects..unlike all the meds I have tried..seroquel..lamotrigine..depekote.ability.geodon.effexor.wellbutrin.Zoloft.ativan.nuerotin.invega..I got another Dr appt next week..I'm just going to tell her I take what she prescribed last time..cuz I think I give up..its just crazy that nothing works for me..so many ppl say stuff works.