Bowsheep, first of all, I'm sorry you're having to go through this! Feeling uncertain about your relationship and losing trust in your partner can be very challenging. Having read your post, I really think this can go one of two ways. First off, no, I don't think you're being unreasonable or that this is due to insecurity. However, I also have to wonder if you've ever expressed how much it bothers you. Which, I have found for some people, this isn't entirely evident. Which can be even more frustrating. I would make sure you have at least one more 'talk' detailing why you're uncomfortable with their contact (her violent history with you, the fact they've had an intimate relationship, etc) and I would make it clear that your relationship cannot function with their relationship (which it is, even if only friends).

Either he is understanding and you can find a compromise of sorts or he is not. If he is not, then you need to reevaluate your own priorities and his and determine if they are conducive to one another.

Personally, I would be really upset if my current partner were still talking to a person that had physically attacked me. Or, heck, even verbally. I would be very concerned because I would expect my partner to support me and to want to protect me from that individual, not continue to fraternize with them.

Having a friendship is possible and aside from his conversations, he might be genuinely innocent in his intentions to her. However, if YOU are not comfortable with his actions, then he needs to put YOU first. You are his girlfriend. You are his partner.

Unfortunately, we all place values and relationships at different levels. Don't for one second think its your fault or your obligation to concede to him. If you're not comfortable, you're not comfortable. As a partner, he should see that and be willing to work with you, not fight with you.

I think you need to take steps to listen to him and to believe that he is being honest. It doesn't seem (from what I've read) he has done anything dishonest, so I would go in to this conversation with an open mind.

Best of luck to you! Don't ever second guess your worth.