I suspect that you are not in fact weird, pathetic and an intruder, so I wonder why you think this.

If people really did think you pathetic, surely that is their problem not yours, other people would be OK with you and that is more important than the unlikely event of people being hostile or critical.

Also it is a truism that no one can possibly know what someone else is thinking, so you are making unjustified assumptions on the basis of what evidence?

Since you have not actually engaged with these other people you cannot know what would happen if you did. No one knows the future.

You do have one thing right though, this is auto-destructive thinking and not logical, evidence based thinking. I hope you can find a way of changing your thinking.