thank you so much for your response. there is a huge cultural issue involved here, also. there are a lot of family and friends that are involved and as adult children in the community, there will be a lot of questions about why we aren't in each other's lives in any way. i had a baby and he and his wife had no clue bc my parents agreed to keep our lives seperate and not tell them. now that i have a daughter, i don't want him around her. when i see them near each other, or he picks her up, i'm upset. i know he and his daughters take "bonding trips" and i told my mom this wasn't a good idea. she said he is so good with his kids. completely ignoring the bigger issue.

i realize, i am the one at fault for allowing this to happen. i give the power to my parents and to my abuser. it's very hard to change this type of behavior. i'm going to try. do i just cut him and his wife/kids off?