The weight stuff is horrible, and so uncomfortable, and really sad that our culture makes it even harder.

Last time I lost weight, it actually did happen pretty easily. It was awesome! That's part of what's frustrating, I felt like I had finally figured it out, and I understood how I needed to eat... and I wasn't starving, counting calories, exercising like a mad woman (I've done all those in the past). It just felt really good and was working. But, I can't seem to get back to that place... which is driving me crazy!

This week I'm trying something different. I'm having chocolate with breakfast (and at no other time during the day, to try to minimize its effect on my sleep), and some non-chocolate sweets (ice cream) at lunch, and nothing at dinner. I'm slowly weaning off the sugar, I think. It seems to be better than before (when I was eating sugar in a more out-of-control, all the time way) - even though it's obviously not perfect. It's much easier to avoid sugar at night when you know you'll have chocolate with breakfast And, it does seem to be helping my energy and mood a bit... I'm napping less, and less depressed (I think). So, we'll see!

Ugh, I agree that the prospect of buying more fat clothes is horrible. But, clothes shopping in general is exhausting and horrible! It should motivate me more... but somehow it doesn't. Maybe because I've got a ton of fat clothes that I put away when I lost weight, so... it seems like I'm just digging through all that and swapping out the stuff in my closet.

Not wearing the professional clothes that you got last year is kind of depressing. I hate feeling like I wasted money on stuff that I never got to wear, and now doesn't fit. I'm sorry! Do you feel like you need professional clothes now? Clothes, in general, are just difficult... nothing ever seems to fit right. I actually read that the clothing industry is moving towards few sizes (for example, using S/M/L rather than numbers), which means things fit badly for even more people.

I kind of still think that... if you're going into professional meetings and feeling stressed or bad about your clothes, it could be worth spending some money on new stuff. Even if it's only temporary. Because, hopefully, having nice, professional clothes that fit will help you feel more like the smart, professional person you are - which you'll then convey with how you talk and your body language, which will let you make a better impression. Maybe?

Oh, and... do you keep a brush in your purse? That can be a life saver! I did exactly what you're talking about once, and didn't realize it, I was so excited to go pick something up at the store that... I didn't realize that I hadn't brushed my hair. I had literally just grabbed it all up first thing in the morning, without brushing it, and tossed it in a huge barrette, so it looked like a very confused ponytail! (I didn't realize until I was leaving the store either, but I did brush it out a bit once I got to my car!)

And, wow. I'm sorry that guy was going crazy about the video ports. Did he say anything at all when you showed him the two that were there? That's just nuts. Maybe he was having a bad day and the video ports were the last thing that just pushed him over the edge, but still... that's not at all professional, and not called for. He could have simply sent you an email *asking* if the ports were there. Geez, that sounds awful.

Oh! I saw something today and thought about you, and how you've said that you have trouble projecting the right image. It's about body language, and how to come across as more "authoritative". Not sure if this will help at all, but it's really interesting: Power & Influence - Lean In

And... thank you so much for validating that it's a crazy, dysfunctional work environment here. I am trying to keep that in mind and trying to figure out what to do. I think maybe I just need a smaller goal... like pulling out examples of my work and putting together a portfolio. That would help me feel a bit more competent and prepared to talk to people about other jobs, I think.

That's really awesome that your 70-year old neighbor still enjoys her job doing food prep enough to keep at it! There's something really sweet about that image! Maybe it gets back... there are a LOT of things we CAN get from our jobs. Maybe she's getting a sense of self-value or community with the people she works with? Maybe she really feels like she's valued and is doing something that contributes to the company? I don't know - maybe you're right that it's partly attitude, but either way, I yearn for a job I can love and feel lucky that I "get to do", and feel... you know, proud of doing! *deep sigh*.

And yet again... we're just about to the weekend! I'm happy for that, but always slightly sad that another week has gone by where I haven't really *accomplished* anything with my life! Hope you have a fun weekend!