I know that I'm most definitely a self-saboteur, but I also don't really know how not to be. For example, I know that when I am too high-strung and demanding in relationships, the other person is quickly irritated, usually to the point of distancing themselves. But I also don't know where to draw the line between things I should accept from another person in a normal, healthy friendship and things which are abuses of that friendship. Like, a friend asks me what I'm doing tonight and we talk about getting together. Then she says she is meeting up with a guy instead at 11. I feel hurt, she feels like we didn't actually make any solid plans. I don't feel like that is acceptable to ask me to do something and then not follow through...but then again, it isn't that big a deal, either.

With another friend, how many times do I allow her to cancel plans with me at the last minute before I say "Eff this, I'm out." I know it's not malicious, and she's known to be flaky. But I have a very busy schedule and my time is at a premium right now, so I feel pretty disrespected. (I've even been waiting at a restaurant when she's canceled on me due to something out of her control...but there is always something with her.)

See, I was able to work these two scenarios out in my mind, but it's after the fact, after I've likely already reacted to them. The problem is that, in the moment, I don't really know what the correct reaction to something which makes me feel badly is--because obviously, it isn't always to get upset and defensive. Sometimes it's just to check your own insecurities and let them go.

But I don't know where to draw the line between my insecurity and actual legitimate things I need to address. This is probably why I both lose potentially really cool friendships before they get off the ground and why I spend most of my time alone.