Thanks Hooligan. I keep re-reading what I sent to a friend earlier tonight. He didn't answer yet but it sounds so manic I doubt he will be able to follow to answer. I have a serious problem with not trusting myself and assuming people think I'm faking when I know perfectly well that he has used me as an example of someone he has seen cycle in the course of a session, he has known me for 9 years and knows I don't make things up and he has been telling me I'm very sick for a few weeks. He also knows if I'm covering things up that I'm in the most danger. I'm just so confused.

I think this was mood charting gone wrong. I was calling agitated manic and not agitated depressed when I have agitated depression too and that wasn't getting tracked. I believe this method failed because I looked manic and believed I was manic when I should have been more focused on the mixed stuff. It's so hard to sort out with dysphoria. I said I'd mood chart for a month. That's up Monday and after I cry to both drs about how I screwed it up I will do it again only if someone tells me how to do it that doesn't cause the same problem. I've been so proud of myself doing it because it is something I hate and I think instead it created a problem. I sure wasn't in the middle so I wasn't going there but I don't think I did it the way they envision. My program lets me re-name the moods and I think I'm going to have my therapist help me do that so that I can try again and not fall into the same trap. I just know that since I left his office I've been way down and tearful.

I'm glad to see you back. I missed seeing you the last week or so.