Hello all,
I am new to the forum and I hate to start my second post with a complaint but I just need to get it off my chest. I was diagnosed with Bi-Polar II (along with GAD / Panic Disorder / ADHD) about a year and a half ago. I went through the ringer with a "Psychiatrist" (pill-pusher) that within a years time had me on 10 medications and 2 as needed a day. No doubt, this wound me up in the mental hospital on suicide watch for a week. I have since changed insurance (resigned from my job to focus on my health and getting back to normal) and have been placed with two amazing doctors (PDoc and Psychiatrist).

Now,
for the past 3 months I have been doing okay. Not great, but not bad. Every now and then a bout of depression and zero motivation. But the past 3ish weeks I have just been down. Hardly any motivation, and then a day of complete motivation, going and going, getting things done, etc.

I have a big issue with sharing with anyone (wife included) how I am feeling. I just keep it bottled up and put on a good face. Most people don't know how I am feeling most days, and it is so tiring. I have even been "lightening" my mood journal my Psych has me keep (lightening meaning putting "normal/good" when that is far from the truth for that day).

I have an appointment on June 12th and I guess it is time to fess up and talk to him about what needs to happen. I don't know if I need to change meds or have something added? Who knows.

Any opinions would be appreciated. I know most will agree I need to tell him whats going on, I just find it so hard. I know a part of it was my upbringing (Homeschooled / Highly conservative parents / Dad and Grandfather Pentecostal Pastors) and in that situation I learned to always put on a good face, even when the opposite was true (Being a preachers kid always meant being in a good mood, good demeanor, good standing, etc). And I have always been that way. Luckily my wife can read me like a book and even when I try and brush it off she will get me to tell the truth.

Anyways,
I appreciate anyone taking the time to read this. I just needed to finally say it and get it out there.

My current medications are:
Welbutrin XL 150mg
Latuda 20mg
Lamictal 200mg
Adderall IR 20mg 2x a day
Nuvigil 150mg
Xanax as needed

Blessings all,
Matt S.