Quote:
Originally Posted by secretwhisper
This time last year I was inpatient, the first admission of three that year. It wasn't until the last one in November/December that things actually improved. This year has probably been my most stable for quite a long time. But I am still self injuring, still stockpiling medication, still get suicidal thoughts. And urges are beginning to get stronger. The days that I feel bad are increasing once again. I'm thinking that this relative stability will be over before long.
But tonight I'm going out for my birthday so gonna try and ignore those fears for now and hope that I can have a good time and don't do anything stupid!
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i used to be a self mutilator - now i just have to fight the unconscious compulsion to rip the skin from around my fingernails and toenails. i don't know if this will help you, but i think this is finally what kind of pulled me from my most volatile mutilations - i got my first piercing and it was almost the same rush. then i got another, and another.. and then it came down to "ok i have this much money. do i want a piercing, or do i want to save for something else?" and then it went to tattoos. I've calmed my urges almost completely since my kids were born.. i would be mortified if they ever saw what i used to do.
from a former SM to another, i know your pain. the pain you HAVE to feel JUST to feel. because NO ONE understands and you're so FRUSTRATED.. hold on. please just hold on, ok? give yourself some credit when credit is due. take a compliment if given and don't shy away from contacting me if you need someone to vent to. I am new here but everything you said struck a chord inside me that made me hurt.