Feel free to vent here anytime matt that's what we're here for - to listen to you and give you some support - I do this frequently it's a great way to let what's bothering you out. Pretty nice people who hang out here on the BP forum. You'll find heaps of support here.

I tend to be a bit of a recluse, in real life, with telling people how I really feel. I always give the stock standard "I'm fine, thank you" reply when someone asks, "How are you?". It's just something I've always done so yes, I can understand your anxiety around this.

I think some environmental factors like those that you listed in terms of your childhood have shaped who you are, not just as in you, personally per say, but I think it plays a role to some degree in how we view the world, how we communicate and express our needs to others etc.

So in terms of you being able to express what you need, personally, this may take some time for you to unpack as it has been something that has been ingrained in you, like it is in me, for some time now.

Maybe a partial solution - as it is a form of communication - is to have a very honest and open conversation with your wife, and let her know, if she asks how you are / what you are thinking, and you're not ready to answer, let her know that you will, acknowledge her question, and let her know that in due time you will let her know, maybe the next day or the day thereafter. And choose your timing of when you want to have this discussion about not always been able to answer "immediately" but asking for a days grace if you're feeling challenged = so I'd say maybe over dinner - try keep it light hearted somewhat if you can.

Let us know how you go!