That's how the session began.

I'm sure I had the Deer Caught in the Headlights look as I sat there waiting... for... omg what?!?

She's having surgery July 12th and will be out a month.

She said she was concerned because we have a short history and I often have a hard time after session. I often end up calling her. And she knows sometimes I call between visits and listen to her recorded phone message. Just last week I was afraid she was angry with me and had to call her when I got home to ask if she was (No), or I would have worried about it obsessively all week. How will I go a month?!

She said she could refer me to someone if I wanted her to. I asked if she WANTED me to see someone else. Actually we both chuckled at that 'cuz we both knew that question was coming... She just wants me to know I have options she said.

I don't want to see anyone else.

And I don't want her to go away.

And I don't want her to be sick.

And I'm so scared. For her. For me.

She offered a mini-session by phone if needed, after she's feeling a little better. I really want to do that and have that to hold on to and look forward to; I don't want it to be on an as-needed basis. I'm liable to make something a crisis to justify the need to talk to her.

What am I going to do?! A week was already too long!

I feel so selfish thinking of my needs and wants. And I am so worried about her and wondering what she's having done. I asked and she said "I've decided at this point not to disclose that.". I fully respect her privacy and boundaries and yet somehow it makes me worry more. It's so mysterious. I wonder if she's scared... I was sick nearly a year and had umpteen tests, procedures, surgeries done and then a big surgery last summer. Cancer kept getting mentioned, tested for, biopsied for.... It was very scary. So I wonder if she's scared. I wish I could comfort us both.

I listened and took in what she was saying, but I was in shock too. Not another T leaving! It is now sinking in and I'm missing her as if she has left me

I have one more session. I will be a wreck! I wonder if she'd let me borrow that stupid pillow I hate...

Please keep her in your thoughts, especially July 12th?