After 31 years of verbal abuse, i found the book which saved my life: The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans. I think it should be read by everyone on the planet.

Remember that verbal abusers are excruciatingly insecure; they will do and say anything to keep you with them. Yes, it is a journey to freedom, but with knowledge you can escape. Counseling by yourself.....can help. Trust your feelings. Abuse is literally brainwashing; that is why it is so confusing What he is saying is NOT about you, but about himself....he dislikes/hates himself and takes it out on you.

The one sentence that helped me immensely; Try to let the side of you that is trying to save yourself.....win."

Something else that helps. STOP trying to explain yourself; he doesn't care what you think or feel. Confine conversation if necessary to mundane things. They are emotional vampires and constantly need their fix...their fix is YOU continually trying to explain yourself. He can'ta rgue with you if you refuse to have a conversation....oh, he can keep talking, but you don't have to respond. If you try to understand his insanity, then you will become crazy in your head. I know....I did that for 31 years. Put the blame and shame where it belongs....on the abuser.