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wildflowerchild25 · 12:55 PM

The trigger contains graphic details of self injury. I am only describing it so you all know how serious it was so you can help me. If it has to be removed by a mod I understand.

Possible trigger:

so I ****ed up. I cut myself this morning. I wasn't trying to kill myself, I don't think. Just trying to feel better. It was bad. I mean, real bad. Out of control. It bled for about 20 minutes. Badly. Like when I would take pressure of and pick up the towel it would start pouring out again. For 20 minutes. I was panicking thinking I would have to tell my mom and go to the ER. It finally stopped and I took a shower to clean up. I think I need stitches but I'm too scared that if I go to the ER they will keep me and send me IP.

I have a pdoc appt at 2:20. Do I tell her? Do I describe how bad it was? I'm very afraid she will send me to the ER and I might end up IP. I can't do that. I can't leave my son for a week right after his father died. I'm kicking myself for being so selfish and awful right now. How could I do this to my son? I'm a horrible person. I really do wish I had died with my husband. I can't handle this on my own.

Ugh I'm so ****ing stupid and selfish...just so I could feel better for a little bit. And I nearly kill myself.

So do I tell pdoc? She's going to ask me if I cut and I will say yes but I don't want her to know how bad. Should she know? What should I do?