the type of dream where you wake up and it takes you a while to realize it was a dream, because being awake feels like the dream.

While you are dreaming you think it is real and that his death was really just something you dreamed and now you are fighting and the bad stuff that happened it still happening.

I realize this is hard to follow, but I'm not sure how to explain it.



I managed to get myself help several years into our relationship, but we were too emeshed and continued the emotional kabuki dance. We also had a son together (currently 2 weeks away from his 22nd birthday).

Our relationship was very mutually destructive, and I have a lot of guilt about a lot of things.