Quote:
Originally Posted by jaymoq
blueeyes87, your post is eerily similar to exactly what I am going through now. When single, I am a very independent and strong person, but when I am in a relationship, I morph in to this dependent and insecure individual. It is very disconcerting, to say the least.
For me, I find that my problems stem from a need to please others. When I am single, it is just ME I focus on. I do what I want, when I want. However, when I am in a group (relationship or even friends) I have this need to concede and be a 'team player'. I'm not saying that is what is happening here, but I start my relationships being SO supportive and SO willing to bend over backwards to have people like me that once 6 months or more pass, that gets tiring and I start to miss being independent. I am just trying to share my own experiences, in the event this could be similar to what you experience?
I will say counseling is an excellent option. And, above all, being honest with your partner AND yourself.
Think about things you did when you are single and evaluate whether you're not doing that any more. I find myself super isolated when I am in a relationship. I have had to force myself to do the things I did when I was single, like go on hikes by myself or even invite my partner along.
Above all, know that you're not some sort of exception and that this is bizarre. Because, I'm halfway across the world and have the same sort of pattern.  Reaching out is a great step. Seeking professional help and determining the cause for these feelings and ways to cope and work with them is the next. |
It's good (right word?!) to hear that from someone else-!
I expect you're actually bang on with the isolation part too - I tell myself I'm the same person, but I don't see my friends half as much, go to things I used to... I haven't picked up a book in ages, which is a small but telling thing! And my boyfriend in no way isolates me or encourages that... It seems like when I get with a partner I subconsciously put a big tick through 'fulfillment' in my mind as if that person will bring all the happiness that I usually get from many other sources and people. What a lot of pressure for him :/ And it's no wonder it makes me angry! He can't possibly make me happy if I'm not even trying to make myself happy!
At the moment he's so cross and sad that he needs a bit of time out, so I have no idea where it will go but my shoulders feel so much lighter from just posting here and hearing back from you, so thank you...
I wish I knew where I got this trait - I expect it's a combination of learnt behavior from parents and already present personality traits.
Anyway, what I'm taking from this is that I need to do something about it now, as I deserve to be happy and I shouldn't let myself get in the way of that (which sounds very mental indeed...)