Jan, I'm sorry you're going through this. I was in a similar indecisive nature with my ex-husband. It took about a year but I finally went through and we got the divorce legalized. It was SO liberating. I won't say I didn't still get sad or think I had made the wrong decision for about the first month or two. But, I got stronger every day and I started to SMILE again and LAUGH again. And that was the most perfect blessing ever. I had lost myself in my chaotic marriage and finding myself again was perfect. I too sought out the comfort of another during this transition and that is not WRONG. Just be clear about your expectations of any relationship during this transition and I think you should go forward with the divorce if you think this marriage is over. It sounds like emotionally, you have separated. Take the legal step to make it so and you don't have to live in the in-between of being separated but still legally bonded to someone. Hang in there! No matter what, know its NORMAL to feel this way and you are far from crazy. You are doing what is right for YOU and YOUR family. That is the most important thing here. We cannot help people that don't want help. You've been supportive but you've lost your own identity in the process, it sounds like. Hang in there! You can do it. And you've got support here.