8 months ago my mother died and i took the first step to becoming the pathetic alcohol dependant exscuse for a human i am now ! 50% of the time i hate what i have become ,50% of the time i dont care i hate being sober and i hate being alive i want to be drunk 24/7 .. i have attended a help focused place a few times and disociate most of the time i am there. i am embarressed ashamed and at my witt ends.