I've been out of work for nearly a week because I got really depressed and anxious over a situation at work. My boss asked me and three other co-workers to essentially give her a review. BAD idea!! (We're a staff of 13 w/ no HR dept) My boss was not happy with what the group told her and gave me the cold shoulder for several weeks - found fault with my work and had another co-worker talk to me about it.

I finally snapped...literally at one of my co-workers. I called the Employee Assistance Program and scheduled an appointment to see a counselor. My appt was last Monday, but when I got there I got really anxious and left. (The last time I was in therapy was nearly 10 years ago!)

That night I started scratching on my arm. I was supposed to have a meeting with my boss the next day. I couldn't bring myself to face her. I never know how she'll act - sometimes she's totally understanding and sometimes completely intolerable (aggressive, combative communicator). She's a complete control freak - and I infuriate her at times because when she's 'attacking' me I can't help but withdraw!!!!! She's says I'm passive aggressive?

So instead of going to work, I went to my primary care physician. He was pretty understanding. Of course encouraged me to face the situation and seek counseling. He gave me a medical excuse to stay out the rest of the week - which in the state I was in I would've quit rather than gone back to work! So I was thankful. He also started me on a second anti-dep.

But I have to go back to work Monday. I know I have to go to work. I live alone and have bills to pay and need insurance. I know I have to go to work. If I keep typing that maybe I'll go.

I've been in bad shape before. I've been hositalized, etc, etc. But this is the first time things have come undone while I was regularly taking my med. There have been times when I've not refilled a perscription and gotten really depressed. But this was different.

It's like I got too stressed and short circuited or something. Now I'm afraid to go back to work. My job is very stressful - I plan events. The nature of the business where I work is VERY stressful. I'm afraid I'm not up to it.

Then where could I find a less stressful job that pays more than minimum wage! I'm 300lbs - my resume looks great....it's me that looks like a fat, lazy idiot. I feel stuck.

I feel like such an immense FAILURE!!!!!!!

How do I go back to work? What do I say when I go back? I don't like people knowing. But I don't think I can go back and plow ahead full steam!!!! I have 3 major events I'm planning right now!!! I don't think I can perform my job!!! What do I do?????

I'm sorry this is so long. Just needed to get it out somewhere...

God Bless!