Thought I knew myself quite well.. have had a" revelation. ". I hide it well but I am so full of rage I have no idea how I have lived so long.. never saw it in my actions and thoughts.. but it explains my self hate and my total intolerence to others... on the surface calm and cool.. but the real me , hte dark me under the surface plots ways to torture kill and maim others... my pacing and vile thoughs have consumed me for years.. but I never saw it for what it is... people will probably hate me for saying this out loud.. I feel I need to confess it..to let it out so I can deal with it...to be my own T I will blame it on my mother.. see there passed the blame already.. why it eluded me for so long is my good side is a true boyscout.. helping little old ladies across the street....I never knew where this hatefulness came from...

I know I will regret this post in the AM,, but I feel I must be honest tonight..... please don't judge me too hard....