I tried very hard and deluded myself for a girl online. I thought we had a thing going. We didn't . Though now I appreciate the idea of being alone forever. Another one of those moments I guess. Now I can feel like an idiot thinking I had a girl who loved me. How foolish of me. I am glad I decided to test it though. Was glad I didn't let myself get dragged along. I'm not really hurt by it just more about how stupid I was and I KNEW I was being stupid.

What a mess.

I tried to get her to tell me no the moment this all came out between us. She wouldn't say it. She gave me reasons why an internet thing wouldn't work. This and that. I asked her to tell me no and she wouldn't say it.

I finally got her to say it though. I can finally put this to rest. She dragged me along. I mean she could've said SOMETHING to let me know. Didn't let me know when I suggested her moving in. Didn't tell me no when I told her I liked her a lot over and over. The very heavy flirting.

...

This makes things easier.

I give up on internet women I think. I wish she would have just told me no. I literally begged her to when this all started.

Glad she finally did and I can let this dream die.

I hope she doesn't actually expect me to try and keep contact on a daily basis anymore/ stay up late for her sleep schedule. I'll still be her friend but I won't bend myself over now. Can not believe how good I feel now because of it.

This is freedom. If she doesn't want to accept this I will simply unfriend and move on. People think I'm sick because of how easily I can rewire and move on. I do too. Though it's handy.

I'll still always remember my first internet love which I ruined because I was so shallow. The one before this one. That one was a turning point for me in killing my emotions.