Chickenkicker, thanks for the reply. First of all, great name. It says "funny" without all the potential violence involved with actually kicking chickens......assuming we can catch them.

My upbringing sounds a lot like yours - an upbringing that was short on patience but long on expectations......more from my mom than my dad. He was a traditionalist but not a mean person. My mom, on the other hand, wanted everyone to think we were the greatest family in the neighborhood - "dress-up-Sunday-and-go-to-church" type stuff.

My situation right now is sort of complex. Long story short - my dad is still around and he's the normal one in the family - stable background, normal parents. My mom married my dad in part as an escape from an abusive household (one she refuses to discuss with anyone). My dad is an engineer and mathematician - very happy and successful, a gentle guy with a brilliant mind. He helped build the Apollo navigation systems (I like telling people that ) as a twenty-something. He was a catch - an All American hockey player too (I like telling people that ). I am proud of him very much. My mom doesn't have a college degree and wanted out of her situation asap. From what we all know, her mom and dad were alcoholics who would argue every night.....beer bottles off the kitchen wall arguing. I know and remember all of my grandparents (last one died a few days before my wedding) and most of it makes sense to me.

So my dad is the cornerstone of the family and he's still alive and doing well. My mom is the one who tears the family apart and *always* adds or added to the chaos. It was never my dad. Cutting her out is impossible right now but I will admit I have one sister who refuses to talk to her. She has the advantage of living 1,000 miles away. The others just tolerate her and yes her to death. I keep the peace for the sake of my dad.

I remember when I was a kid, she would hit me and my siblings with the closest object possible, usually a kitchen utensil like a wooden spoon or spatula. But I always remember how angry her eyes would look and how she would purse her lips, like some sort of masochist.

My family has been through a bunch of trauma in the last few years - a divorce with one sister, another sister lost a child to leukemia - and my mom always makes it about her. I remember at my niece's funeral, she was parading around telling everyone how much she did to help my sister and how sad she was. She always spins the story back to her. Whatever she says, it often ends with "I don't know how much more I can take" or "all of this is pushing me to the edge". She believes that everyone should listen to her because if we did, she'd be so much better off.

Like your mom, mine has longevity on her side - 92 and 90 for her parents. So I have approximately 15 more years of this. Hey, super.