No, that is not what I am really saying nicoleflynn, I am not "blaming the victim", what I am doing instead is trying to shed more light on understanding abusers. They are frustrated individuals that "act out" their frustrations on others in order to gain a sense of control over, as well as release their fear/frustrations/anger/stress.

A victim needs to understand "the nature of the beast" and realize it's not their fault and also slowly learn how to develop stronger boundaries, as well as learn not to "absorb" the "anger/fear/frustration/stress" that the abuser is trying to put on them. To understand the lack of respect they are getting is not because they are not worthy of it, but instead it means the abuser is an individual that is expressing "their" lacks. They never learned how to reduce their inner stress in more "positive" ways, and they never learned how to "respect" others, often it is all about "their own world" and they often get angry if one expects them to have the capacity to see outside that world of "theirs". A victim has to be controlled in "their world", that is all they know how to do.