Personally, I don't think that giving up control to have sex is what sex is to be all about. I don't want anyone to have power over me & I don't want to have power over anyone else when it comes to the sexual act. Having sex is a bonding activity between 2 people that releases the oxitocin & creates a bonding experience in a mutual loving & caring situation.
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engaging in a scene with my fiancé allows me to forget about all the things that worry me, and even my BDD issues with my body. So it's been a good thing in my life, almost therapeutic.
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Maybe if you had help regarding "all the things that worry me, & even my BDD issues with my body" you wouldn't have the need for BDSM & you wouldn't need someone to have control over you & you would have more control over your own self & body.....that might be more theraputic & more healthy for future relations in your whole marriage relationship.