Quote:
Originally Posted by Emmi7
Hey everyone,
Right now I'm going through a really difficult time with my boyfriend as he just told me an extremely difficult piece of information and I don't know what I should think of it. I'm here because I need help but I can't tell my family because they will lose it and make me leave him, and I'm unemployed currently and have no close friends right now to talk to. Please help me out.
It's very short. My boyfriend told me that when he was fourteen years old (so, a long time ago. He's 23 now), he was very alone and bullied at school and his parents had divorced and moved countries, and as a result he felt he had no human connection and he tried... (it's so humiliating to even say)... dry-humping his pet dog... He feels terrible about it and is so sorry but he thought the right thing to do is come clean and tell me because he wants us to last a long time.
I empathize with him as a human being but as his girlfriend I am really REALLY struggling with this. I can't get the image out of my mind and I don't know how I can ever feel comfortable being physically intimate with him again. It's so disturbing and I'm worried about where he was psychologically to be driven to do such a thing. But most of all I am extremely disoriented, I don't know what to think of this or what to do or how to feel, do I even know who he is? Has everything changed? Is this just "something" that a couple can move past or is this something horrific that you break up with someone over? I am terrified. I was so happy with him with everything before this, and we were going to move in together soon. Now I'm terrified that I'm in a horrible situation, that he is deeply disturbed, and that everything I thought we had (that is, our relationship) is lost and nullified now.
This is a really embarrassing thing to talk about, please take that into consideration. I really need help though, as I've never encountered this kind of thing and I have no idea what to think about it let alone how to cope with it. Please share some advice and help me out here. If there is any way to keep this relationship and have it healthy, then I definitely want that, I really love him. But I am horrified and don't know what to do. Please help.
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While still in a relationship with my ex-boyfriend, he would occasionally tell me of the disquieting activities he'd been involved with in the past. Like you, I felt his stories to be disturbing and questioned the longevity of our relationship.
However, because I was naïve (and, to be honest, headstrong), I ignored the red flags and attempted to offer compassion and understanding for his situation. As the months wore on, he divulged increasingly disturbing stories that made it difficult for me to ignore the red flags.
These stories (among other reasons) led me to the decision to break up with him.
While your boyfriend has divulged only
one strange story, I am curious as to how many
others he may have.
How long have you two been together? If it's only been a couple of months, I would tread carefully, for I suspect this is only the first of
many disturbing stories. Like my ex-boyfriend, he may very well continue to express similar experiences.
If it truly
was an isolated incident that occurred nine years ago, the relationship does have a chance to be healthy. Fourteen year olds are known to be experimental, and when under a great deal of stress, it will drive them to partake in abnormal, destructive, or painful behavior.
Go with your heart. Don't ignore it. If you have a therapist or a close friend, talk with them about it. I hope things will work out for you.
