Rufio, welcome to Psych Central (PC). Sorry for your pain and anxiety from your relationship maturing. My own expectations that I am going to meet the person that will make me happy makes me vulnerable to this type of pain. It makes finding out that things are not as idyllic as I imagined so difficult. I find it difficult to let go and accept this relationship has many problems, in your case seeing your own behaviors and tendencies in your partner. The pain from this type of situation is the disappointment I fear being let down one more time. It goes back into my past and really has more to do with the lack of nurturing and acceptance that happened to me earlier in life.

Do you have a therapist who can try to see where this pain is leading to. It is a cave that opened up and following may show you what this really is all about. A problem with our inner child and our own excessive expectations.

Why not put off the marriage date for a year and take the pressure off. It might not be the right time and situation for that long term commitment that is legally messy to dissolve, especially if you start having children. That will give you time to work out differences and face things that will not change. A therapist for couples could help. Resistance to this could be an indication of not being willing to change. Relationships are full of negotiation. It takes two open minded people to make a relationship be dynamic and not just functional.

There are lots of compassionate people here that can make the load lighter by sharing and caring. Feel free to participate actively at Psych Central.
http://forums.psychcentral.com

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.