I was 12 and went with the family to El Cerrito CA from CO to visit my grandma. I was in her living room flirting through the window with a little Asian girl next door. Suddenly I experienced this stunningly harsh anxiety that washed over me, and I was petrified...running around the place trying to find my parents. I can't remember how it ended.
The next spring my grandma had a stroke so she came to CO to live with us. I was 13 and was noticing some things: I was experiencing OCD behaviors like every time I looked at a round light I had to swallow when I went to the hospital to see grandma until she passed, or I would screw up my face in this ghastly yawn (that my mom told me would be permanent). I was scared of my own shadow, but would steal anything that wasn't nailed down.
On the positive side I was playing classical piano, and was winning competitions and achieving certificates and accolades left and right. I was going places with it...but that wouldn't last long. I wasn't wired for prosperity. So that 1-2yr period was the harbinger of the dysfunction to come. By age 16 I was a tornado of outlandish behavior, dysfunction, substance abuse and sexual obsession that wouldn't end for 4 decades.
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