I read your last two posts and the first one is very jumbled and hard to read. Maybe that's why no one's answering. I can relate to feeling like it's all self created and I can just manipulate my mind to do whatever I want it to, but that just can't be true because the episodes hit when they want to hit and I have no control over that.

I really can't tell what you have going on from your writing. It almost sounds hypomanic or mixed or BPD or BPD combined with adhd or some combination thereof. Sorry I don't have any answers but I encourage you to get reevaluated in your current state and let a professional know some of what your mind has been up to. They would know better than I do what is really going on. It doesn't really sound like cyclothymia to me though.