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I was self-destructive too (except for the hearts I broke). I remember a couple of perhaps rage incidents somewhere in the 5-10yr old range: I would curl up under my piano and play like I was grinding up a naked black woman with the pedals as controls. Later a therapist suggested I was actually grinding up my mom, but imagined a black woman because it would have been unacceptable to think of doing it to your mom. Funny, because at that time in Northern CO I had never seen a black woman.
Next one was when I was staying at a family friend's farm. They had built an exact replica of the main house...as their daughter's play house. She had outgrown it years before, but I found 8 barn cats and shut them in between the windows and the screens...so they were stuck in there for hours all arched up.
At around 16 we set fire to a cat once, and I've died a thousand deaths for that cruelty. Its anyone's guess if these were previews of problems to come.
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