I'm so sorry about your BIL.

I think other people have had great suggestions for you in this thread. I found Sunny's list of the different characteristics to develop very interesting. Maybe you could pick one or two of those and work on them in your sessions. I know that is easier said than done. I'd like a more fullfilling 'real life' too, but it is hard to take the necessary steps. I think the key is taking baby steps. Instead of feeling like you have to do something huge and life changing, could you just pick one activity that isn't too far out of your comfort zone?