im scared, i've only gone 1 time and the thought of being away from my family scares me so much
i just want to get better but why do i have to take myself away from my family to do that
i try really hard everyday to hold back what this crazy illness does to me
i just hate feeling so helpless, i am so dependent on these meds that are not even working
i am going through a high stress period, we've been evicted from our house and moving
i am not going to be here to help move because im going inpatient and it really hurts me
i dont want to go inpatient and leave all the packing to my family
i just want to feel better and be stable, why does this ilnnes cause so much chaos
i hide all of my feelings so i have no one to talk to
im praying that going inpatient is the right thing to do, in the midst of all this other stress... dealing with moving and packing...
sometimes i feel guilty like im not worthy of treatment, im not worth the time, im not sick, im not really in trouble, i dont need help... but i tell myself thats me obsessing over everything and lieing to myself that idont need help...

i hate feeling like this, i just dont know what to do especially when i feel like im a faker, like i dont need this... but im so sick i think i do need it and i try to tell myself its ok to go inpatient... its a good thing... but all i can think about is the negative things... im so stressed... i've started cutting again and feel like im just crying out for help

please send me hugs and support, i need it so much right now