I am using every coping thing I have now and the meds. This was the first real try and it was a test of whether I can do this. The answer was a conformation of what I have always known and I want to just give up and run away to never return. I can't leave my t because he will feel bad wondering what he might have done and I can't do that to him but I know I can even consider trusting him to be there for me. I don't know what to do.