Hi. I am curious if this is a sign of anything... actually, to be honest with myself, I'm looking for a fast response and a cold truth of nothing wrong with me. Or maybe there is. I don't know.

I have a need for attention. I'm not diagnosed with anything, so I don't think it's a result.

Basically, I sometimes hope for bad things to happen to me so I can have attention and sympathy. Like I once hoped I would get kidnapped and brutally beaten just to have my band director's (and others) sympathy. Or wish for my parents to traumatize me enough that I'll get upset during school and a teacher will sympathize for me.

I've also gone in to see a school counselor with the hopes of getting diagnosed with depression (It was really stupid at the time but I had worried I might have had it and I was somewhat... hopeful that I would).

I cannot remember how long this has happened, but I know (or maybe I think I do) that when I was younger I wanted scars or something (really just for the reason of thinking they look cool).

This also sometimes ties with me being really impulsive. Like in the heat of a moment where I get in an argument with my parents I'll send someone a text that overdramatizes the situation.

And I can't help it, then, either. I can't think through my impulses and weigh the pros and cons. I'll do it anyway, even after all the work of deciding it's a bad idea and has many negative consequences.