I was just reading this and felt compelled to respond.

Everyone wears different hats. Our problem though is that everytime we put on a different hat, we are a different person. I would so like to be the same person wearing different hats, but that isn't my lot in life.

Who am I? I'm an individual that is a product of a long abused life from the start that has found away to deal with it through dissociation. I had absolutely no control over how things went, so I can't regret ever doing anything making me who I have become today.

After years of living (47) actually, I've grown to accept things the way they are because I can't see it being any different ever again. When I was a young adult, I used to vex over myself with great frustration and anxiety, crying and wishing that I was normal- It didn't help any. Today, it's nothing but a thing. Let's just say, I lived and still live a very interestingly adventurous existence- I'm never bored.

I hear a lot of frustration and anxiety in your voice because you find your situation unacceptable, I truly can understand that for no one wants to be like this- not even I.

I just can hope that you find your happiness, get well.