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Guilt has no useful place in the mind of someone with a disorder like bipolar. It takes precious focus and energy away from the task at hand which is to find a better recovery plan for you. You ARE worth this effort!
Hospital changed my life for the better big time. At the time I went in I had just spent 30yrs desperately searching for relief from my destructive dysfunctional thinking and behavior with little success. I saw scores of 'professionals' that kept missing my diagnosis. I took handfuls of meds. I spent hours in therapy with indifferent psychologists that at the end of the day one told me to just stop drinking coffee...'now excuse me' he said, 'I've got to catch a plane to Aruba.'
All this scattered effort bouncing around to these professionals and their accompanying opinions accomplished little. In hospital all these resources are in one place. In my case I saw a psych every day. I saw nurses every day that helped me understand what I might go through with the meds and made sure my physical self was as it should be. Group sessions were enlightening and helped me understand I wasn't alone in dealing with this disorder. And there was chocolate cake...every day! This was 'me' time...and it worked.
Your family would much rather see you well then to blow hospital off just to pack boxes, believe me. Its killing them to see you suffer. Its going to be more than ok...its going to be better!
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