(((((((((((((((((((regrets)))))))))))))))))))))))

I think you are beginning to realize that you cannot be "just friends" anymore with your ex. It is impossible for him to move on as he is "stuck" in a space and time that has no growth, no logic, no reasoning other than an alcoholic reasoning (which we all know doesn't work properly).

I have no doubt that in his mind he does love you. But the alcoholism does not allow him to function properly. He may at times want to quit drinking, but it has a strong hold on him and he will not be successful unless he works hard at it and goes for help.

I used to think the same way as you...."why can't he just work at giving up the booze if he says he loves me?". Been there, done that and finally realized it was something he couldn't do without wanting to do it and seeking help. They think they can do it on their own....very very rarely does that ever happen.

What you have to realize hon is that your relationship is "toxic". There is never a positive place in your relationship as it is constantly consumed by the negative and the alcoholism. Will he ever change and receive help? Who knows. It's completely up to him. You have no control over what he does. But what you have to do for your own peace of mind is realize that the relationship at this time will not work. Know in your heart that you did everything you possibly could do to make it work, but know that it is beyond your control. Let it go and take back your life. Concentrate on YOU. More than likely this will mean cutting ties completely with the toxic relationship. No conversation, no contact. It will be the only way he will realize (may take a lot of time) that you are serious, and that you can actually work on yourself and your life without his interference. If need be, get some therapy for yourself if you are not already doing that. It will help you to understand your feelings and thoughts and help raise your level of self esteem that has been broken by your "toxic" relationship.

You must understand that you never had control over his situation. Let it go. It's hard, I know. But it is possible and it will free you to become the person you want to become.

Now is the time for YOU hon. Haven't you wasted enough time on something that is not working? Take that energy and put it into a positive light, one that is so very important to your health and wellbeing. You so deserve it!

Feel free to pm me anytime if you like. I'm always willing to listen



Hugssssss
j