I'm so sorry you are in pain...I grew up in Seattle and know how much we all looked forward to warmth and sunshine. I spent many summers feeling let down because "my summer" didn't look like everyone else's. You're not alone and I, for one, understand how hard it is to watch others experience (what looks like) "happiness." It may be hard but I encourage you to go out, raise your face to the sunshine and allow some healing energy in. I hope you find some peace of mind soon