Sitting here alone again on a beautiful day reflecting. I'm older now but I still dread having to go through Summer again without some compassion. I've always looked ahead thinking someday you'll be doing those long beach walks and campfire talks with somebody special - well that never really happened. Sure there's time left but I can't help but be miserable looking at all the empty space behind me. So you sit there cursing the cold universe thinking there really isn't any justice. It does no good because after the negative thinking there you are alone, in the deafening silence, with the romantic history of a corpse. The really ****ed up part is I know that my own inability to get involved has doomed me to look at young couples and hate their smugness. I really do hate them and bitter is too kind of word for where I ended up. So screw you sunshine, watermelon and poolside lounging - I will be in the basement underneath the pile of sedatives. Moaning and writing my eulogy. Alone of course.