To an extent, your husband is keeping you agitated by always running home with reports on his parents' latest critical musings on their daughter-in-law. These verbal exchanges are not family meetings. They are just a bunch of talk among people whom circumstances are bringing together more than is healthy, considering the dynamics. Decide not to be an audience. Tell your husband that you are not too interested in hearing whatever is the latest thing his mother is carping about. Yes, you feel curious and think it's good to have information about what is said about you. It's not. By you acting uninterested, you'll be role modeling to your husband the frame of mind your husband needs to adopt.

You and your husband need to project that what the in-laws think of you is really not of any great importance to either of you. MIL doesn't care for you, and that's her privilege. But her son chose you to be his life partner and her approval is not required. I agree that it's probably nothing personal. She'ld find fault with any wife he had. So do yourself a favor and don't hang on her every word, whether it comes diectly to you from her or via your husband. She's manipulating to get to you by telling him things that she probably knows good and well he is sharing with you. Make up your mind to deny her that power.

The bottom line is that your husband never learned to command respect from his mother. She is stronger than he is. He is allowing himself to be used in her mind games. Help him outgrow his excessive involvement with her. There needs to be much less attention paid to her. Signal to him that your marriage needs to be less focused on what Mama thinks - about anything.