Sounds like u r physically dependent on alcohol. It affects every cell in your body so nothing is working as it is suppose to be including your thinking. And every cell as gotten accustomed to having alcohol in it so it's going to complain if alcohol isn't there. Alcohol in each cell is now normal even tho it means none r working as they r suppose to be. Withdrawal from alcohol is one of the few withdrawals that can actually kill you. IMHO u need to go see a medical doctor to get some physical help. Then when u can think clearly u can make other decisions. U can call your regular doctor or go to the ER or urgent care. If u need support in doing that call AA. There is usually someone available 24/7. Take care of yourself physically first.