My father has actually still been verbally abusing me well into my 40's. The reason I've put up with it is because I'm still financially dependent on them. So I can't just tell him off or cut my ties with my family. I still need them for money, and since my parents have no clue how to show love other than giving money, I can't risk being cut off from them.

I've thought about volunteering, but I have some medical issues that cause fatigue, so it's hard enough sometimes just to get thru my full time job. I can't stand up for more than 15 minutes without my blood pressure dropping, so that's why I haven't looked for a second job either. I can't do retail or anything that requires standing. I love photography and have recently started my own Etsy shop, so that's been a small accomplishment.

It's just been very hard lately because I've lost most of my friends and having so much alone time isn't good for me. I have hypothyroidism, which causes depression and adrenal fatigue which makes it hard to cope with stress. So I guess on top of already feeling bad about myself, I have the medical issues that are making it harder to be happy or motivated to do things for myself. In order to have friends I've had to pretend nothing was wrong with me, even when I felt like crap. I'm also not happy with most areas of my life, so I feel like a failure.

My parents also don't want me to succeed. I still do my laundry at their house because I don't have my own washer/dry, and my parents know that's the only reason I go see them. So they actually want me to fail and keep needing them for money so they can keep seeing me. That's not a good feeling knowing if you succeed your parents will be mad at you. I know at my age I'm not supposed to be so dependent on my parents anymore, but that's been a lot of the problem. With all my medical expenses and jobs with low salaries, I've always needed their help with money, so I've had to put up with however badly they treat me. A few years ago something happened where my dad was yelling at me so bad I started crying. My mom literally just sat there staring at me. Didn't ever give me a hug or any words of comfort. My dad kept saying he didn't care if I was crying. I would love to never see them again since they're a huge part in me feeling messed up, but I'm not in the financial position to.