Thanks SeekingPerspective. I've thought of bringing up counseling but I am hesitant as I feel like that would be enforcing the idea something is wrong. And he doensn't want to believe something is. He's told me his job comes first and I get that he has a duty to his badge and everything it stands for. It just scares me that I am going to get lost by the wayside while he upholds that duty. Especially if we started a family. I have been honest from the start of the relationship that I only wanted a family in the right circumstances when we could both be supportive parents. If we maintain our current schedules, I will barely see him and that means we will basically be raising a family separately. And he has made it clear on his duty days, he would have someone else watch the child since he has to sleep. Again, that makes sense to an extent, but WHY does he want a family if he is going to just outsource to caretakers and expect me to pick up the slack when I'm not at work.

Sorry, its just sometimes very frustrating. And lonely. Last night, he was off so we spent the day together but I still went to bed alone because our schedules are so out-of-sync. Even nights he's home, I still sleep alone. And that's really rough. I guess I don't know what I expect though. This is his schedule and his life. I might have given up mine but that doesn't mean he has to give up his. I have to figure out what is more important-- this relationship or me retaining my own goals.