i am so alone. In the world i am alone. The isn't anyone who would have a hole in their life if i went away.

i never should have given him that letter. It was a huge mistake. Really, it was. Too much, too soon. He might be sturdy but i am not. i don't really want to face him now. i am not sure how it came down to that... what happened to make me say all that. It was too much of me in there.

i appreciate your kindness. thank you. i do flit all over the place, but he is trying to give me what i need and i am so convincing so i am sucking him into the whirlwind. i don't think he sees this clearly yet.

does my whole life have to be a mistake? do i always have to be a waste? My life has no meaning at all, not to me or anyone else. i've been given so much and i have done nothing with it. i am very poor and i have nothing to show for anything i have worked for. i've never even owned a car - i am 36. i've never had a vacation. i am a nothing.