Also it might be helpful to realize that your father was projecting his own frustrations onto you. The example you provided us where you dropped the fork on the floor and he would call you stupid for dropping the fork - that to me, sounds like he was so frustrated in his own life that it had nothing to do with you, and he would look for any opportunity to take out his frustrations on other people. So it didn't have anything to do with you personally, yet you took it personally of course and internalized his words. Some people just weren't cut out to be parents and they can't handle the stresses of every day life.